FIRST of all...Please don't laugh at me or mock me for this. I was experimenting when I did this:

2 weeks ago I took the throttle body apart to clean it and it was necessary to pull off some hoses (I didn't know what they did...just that they were clamped on they needed to come off). The clamps broke in the process and I didn't think anything about it. I put it all back together (so much carbon was in my TB...it was disgusting) and put the hoses on with no clamps. Turns out these hoses are pressurized coolant hoses with about 15 PSI in them. So my coolant just eventually all blew out. $26 for a mechanic to diagnose the problem and clamp it all back together and fill up the coolant.

SO EXCITED!!! I was expecting gaskets and water pumps and all kinds of other evil things I didn't want to pay for.

Praise God for such a simple problem, even though I am the root cause lol.