I think I got it now. Its all bringing up old wounds. I need a lot of time... Cuz they say time heals it. Then it will all be better. Doesn't make it easier now. But there is a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks atilla. I think it was what you said. I still feel the way I do, but I know why now, and that helps. Perhaps it will begin to get better now. Gosh I hope so.