Hello Max
Since I know what you are feeling (really would like to own one) and what it is like to have a family I hope I can help a little. All of what you have read above is correct you would do a lot better as far as the comfort zone with another family type car.
Until your kids get a lot older they would have no trouble getting in and out of the car. You might have some trouble getting them locked into the child seats since you (or wife) would have to almost get in the back to secure them.
Since you are not an off road driver and indicate you might not ever be my guess is that you would like the 4x4 for rain and snow type weather – I agree 100%, I know the difference and it does help a lot.
As far as options, from what I have seen there are only a few options that were available and most people can live without them. I know mine does not have the remote unlock I would like to have but you know I used a key most of my life and it really don't hurt now.
I just bought a 1999 and love it. There are some differences in the years but just minor (again from what I have learned so far). I have read a lot on all of them and would not have any problem with either year.
The rear view is less than any other car but you have the option of installing a camera in the back so that could be resolved very easy. I drive my wife's Honda from time to time and since she sets the rear view mirror for her view I do not adjust it when I use it so she will not have to re-adjust when she drives it and that puts me in the same basic position as in my VX, poor rear view – so I guess it really don't bother me.
Another thing to consider on any older car is no matter how many miles it has on it things will be older and need replacing – like belts and such. You would need to plan to do some maintenance no matter how many miles it has.
Now for the part I understand most – Money $$$. With two, I am sure wonderful, kids and a very loving wife you must consider what they like and want – that is the hard part. I know how kids are (four of my own and eight grand kids) and feel they may love it but until you put them in one you will never know. The wife is a different story and needs to have her input into this purchase. Not all women have the same feelings about cars as men do.
I would suggest you find one close enough you can do a test drive and see what you think after.
The last thing is this is one of the best, if not the best, driving cars I have every owned and even though it cost me more to drive it than say a Honda or another more common car I really love it. If your pocket book can take the heat and the family like it then it may be fine for you.
Best of luck and let us know what you decide. By the way this is a great site and a lot of wonderful people hang around here.

Ed