Autopsy report: sheared off crank
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It seized because a chunk of the crank got wedged between the crank pieces and cylinder #1. There aren't any signs of oil starvation at this point (it was at the full mark before I drained it). No overheating. Just a punch of speed to pass somebody and kaboom. Maybe an over-machined and under-treated crank?
What blows me away is that it ran for a while after the initial "ca-chunk" sound. I took a chance and drove it another 10 miles after the "chunk."
The block might be reusable with a new crank, but I'm not gonna try it. I marred it up a bit trying to get the front of the crank out, so it's probably destroyed permanently now, if the crank breaking didn't do it. Any semblance of alignment is very unlikely. Maybe I'll make one of those glass-topped coffee tables out of it.