Something to offend everyone....

[johnnyapollo]

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."

[nfpgasmask]

A Cowboy walks into a bar, and after a few seconds he realizes that it’s a gay bar.

“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.”
When the gay waiter approached, he says tot he cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?”
The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that, all I want is a drink.”

The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, ‘Just Do It.’ And that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’”
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so he bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?” The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” The fella proudly replies, “’Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!”

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella’s on his right who just happens to be sharing a Margarita and says, “So what do you guys call yours?” The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job One.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?” The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY….’Like a Rock!’” And gives the man a wink.

Even more shaken, the cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer.” The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look and asks, “Why Secret?”

The cowboy says, “Because its ‘STRONGE ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!”

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Bar Stake-Out

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particular rowdy bar for possible violations of driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights, and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”