Another emailed joke

Since this is the chit chat forum for non-VX related stuff here is something I got in an email.


Sayings of Zen:



Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it..

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on the ***.....then things get worse.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

Most people seem normal until you get to know them.




;Dr;

True words of wisdom. Now please return all of those tiny slips of paper back to the barrel of fortune cookies before the other patrons get suspicious, and kindly remove your elbow from my Peking Duck :D

Hi Anita,

Thank you for these wonderful "Deep Thoughts". They were just what I needed.